Requiem of Doomed Dreams
by Little outer god
Summary: Enter a world where The Irken Empire fights for peace and love against the oppressive Vortians and their Resisty army, Dib is super hunk, ZIM is emotionally dependant, and Mary Sues patrol the galaxy. A tale of boring adventure, not quite thrills, little intrigue, and unfortunate romance. Basically, a good natured parody. Have fun! Various pairings, warnings inside.
1. Irk's Mightiest Hero

Hello hello, Invader ZIM, fandom. I'm just going to say, this fic has been nearly a decade in the making. Well okay, maybe closer to five or seven years, but that's still a lot. It started as something fun to do when I was bored, and after a few years of revisions, I decided it was okay to show the public. I only wrote three chapters, back when I first started, but I decided to write more, well, I wrote only one, but I plan on writing more.

Also, some of this stuff might seem a little dated, since the fandom has changed a lot since 2005, but some of of the cliches I mock you still see today. Also, I'm not mocking anyone in particular, I make sure that all the stuff I make fun of is either a widespread cliche, or something of my own making. If you have any cliches, plots or characters you'd like me to add, then leave it in the review. I also know I'm not the best writer, so if you see any mistakes I keep making, feel free to say something, I'm not above a good constructive criticism.

Here's hoping the fic doesn't upload as a text wall. That keeps happening to me.

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It is the future. Earth is normal, like it always was in the year 2000, and hardly anything had changed. There was the skool, which was still in use. Yeah, there was still the skool and... The city cesspool? I don't know!

One of the many things that haven't changed was the house of Dib. Now that he was no longer in skool, Dib had grown. He was now tall, and powerful looking, with more hair, with was silky and beautiful. His hair was kind of like Sephiroth's, only the bang still stuck up, and it was the black of a moonless night. Dib was no longer a freaky nerd, but a sexy hunk who everyone wanted to date!

"I feel pretty." Dib sang in a deep, masculine voice as he waited for his computer to load, even in the year 3000, because someone told me that IZ is set in the future, computers still take forever to load. "Oh so pretty! It is done. I must check my E-mails. Maybe the great, amazing, Almighty Tallest have sent me an E-mail."

Now, before this story started, there was a battle between the Irkens and an evil empire. Dib had to help ZIM and the Tallest, and let me tell you, it was an adventure. Explosions, chase scenes, space battles, and romance. Yes, romance. Dib and ZIM had fallen deeply in love.

Their love saved the day, and there was a big space parade in their honor. The Tallest blessed their relationship, since they are also space gay, but some people have a problem with it, since Dib isn't from space, so sometimes people are mean to them, JUST LIKE REAL GAY PEOPLE! See! This isn't just a fun fan fiction, this is about REAL LIFE issues!

After a amazing battle, which happened just before this story, Dib and ZIM fell in love, and Dib joined the Irken empire. The Irkens are such a kind race, they were happy to have any allies. The evil Vortians were so mean... I mean, cruel, and sly that the poor... (Hmmm... Thesaurus!) hapless, miserable and pathetic Irkens needed all the help they could get. It was so romantic, Dib and his love joining a huge, towering empire, who were fighting against a tiny resistance.

"Yay!" Dib cried, in a booming, manly voice, "They have sent me an E-mail! I must read my E-mail from the Tallest!"

Dib cried all this out while flexing his amazing muscles in several still shots, and than screamed "DI-DI-DI-DI-DIB!" and his name was in big letters behind him.

"HELP US!" Was written, obliviously from Tallest Red. "Purple had been taken from me by the mean, cruel, evil, mean... MEAN Vortians! HELP ME!"

"DIB MUST AID THEM!" Dib screamed, than flew off, but not before flexing and screaming. "DI-DI-DI-DI-DIB!"

Even though Dib is amazing, and SO hot, we need to go to the Tallest, and earlier that day.

They were on the Massive, giving another inspiring speech about how they will make sure the universe is safe for all. Omniversal peace was the Tallest's dream, especially Purple's.

"Donuts for all, and a peace and rejoice." Purple declared, he was the one who did the most talking.

The many drones cheered, some of them even cried tears of joy. They loved their leaders so much. The Tallest were so kind to them, and kept them safe, and always made sure they had plenty to eat, and good insurance.

"That sound happy..." Red drooled. "What it mean?"

"It means." Purple explained. "That everyone will have donuts, and live in peace and rejoicing!"

"Oh!" Red exclaimed, for Purple was smart enough to explain things to even an oaf like him. "That sound pretty!"

Red cried out with joy, and pranced around. Purple only watched with a small smile. Even if Red was a big idiot, he still loved him.

Purple turned around, stage left, to take a walk in the beautiful daisy patch on Irk. He loved daisies, they were so yellow, like the sun, it made him smile. He closed the door behind him, and smiled, he liked daisies, they were liked god's tears.

Purple walked carefully among the blooms, and not bothering the bees. You see, Irk is a beautiful planet, full of meadows and quaint villages. They really just wanted all the universe to be like them and live in peace. That was why they had a whole armada, and had invaders scout various planets. They wanted to see if each planet's species were pure of heart and sound in mind. If they weren't, they would leave the planet, and leave a complimentary gift basket for their leaders.

"You know," Purple said to himself. "I think I shall take a nap among this lovely foliage."

Dear, sweet Purple laid down on a particularly soft bit of grass. It was so cozy, almost as cozy as the massive. Purple did love the massive, as it was his home, and the Irken's ship of peace, but loved nature. All Irkens did.

Suddenly, Purple was roused from his sweet slumbers, by an aura with a faint hint of citrus mixed with pure EVIL! Almost as if every villain is lemons! The lemony scent was strong, and stinking of evil. Sure enough, the demur tallest was surrounded by a mass of Vortians. It was as if the whole Resisty had come to kill him!

"Put yous hands were we can see ems." Uttered the evil leader, wearing his yellow sunglasses.

"N... N... No.." Purple stammered, cowering.

The leader made a signal, and the others caught the Tallest, and tied him up. Purple did his best to struggle, but he was so weak. There was also no way he could think his way out of this predicament, as the Vortians were too cunning. They carried him off into their ship, and flew away. Their evil cackling and the smog from their non environmentally friendly ship was the only thing that remained.

"PURPLE!" Red cried, assuming fetal position.

The news had hit him hard, and Red didn't know what to do without Purple. If Purple were here, he would suggest some amazing plan of action, than they would all eat donuts latter and have a laugh about it. At that moment, Red realized that he loved Purple. He needed him more than anything on this Earth.

"Go... Um... In... That... Ummm... WHAAA!" Red tried to figure out what to do, but his tiny brain couldn't comprehend the smallest of plans.

The drones listened to him intently, the both loved their leaders so much. They were the ones that made sure that they were happy, and practically hand fed them donuts. They kicked the ship into overdrive, and chased after the lingering trail of the Vort ship.

It was then that one of the drones walked up to Red. The drone didn't like telling his beloved Tallest what to do, but it was obvious Red needed a hint.

"Mister Tallest Red." Said one of the drones, looking up at him with big puppy dog eyes. "Maybe you should send Dib an email so he can help us. He is the most reliable character IN the whole sh- umm planet!"

Red began to write an email, begging the universe's mightiest hero for help. He even managed to write it all by himself, and the crew of the Massive was very proud of him for that.

"HELP US!" Was written, obliviously from Tallest Red. "Purple had been taken from me by the mean, cruel, evil, mean... MEAN Vortians! HELP ME!"

"Oh please..." Red pleaded, after the email was sent. "Somebody help us."

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I hope every one enjoyed this first chapter, the next one will be up soon.


	2. Away from this Crawling Boulevard

This chapter features a massacre- I mean, parody of Evanescence's "Away from me", though not the actually song, just a really weird, humorous mondegreen, so hopefully that's allowed. If not, I can redo the chapter with my own made up song.

I want to thank my reviewers. I would still update this, even without ass pats, but the encouragement is great, and it's nice knowing I gave someone a chuckle. I hope this chapter pleases as well.

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Now, we go back to Earth. There was ZIM, moping, and thinking. He looked so pained. He loved Dib, but he couldn't love Dib. You see, Irkens can't love... OH! This is so emotional! SONG FIC! Now lets see, I'm looking though my big sisters CD's. Can you believe that she says my fics suck? She's such a bitch. HERE!

Away from me by eva... evenecseants

_I hold my butt as this orgasm start to make us moan_

ZIM remembered all of the times they had sex. The amazing feeling and thing he had felt. How could that be fake, it had felt so good! Maybe that's why Irkens were given packs, because they certainly weren't used for living. Maybe the packs were used so that they couldn't love, yeah, that works!

_You hug my behind as this perfect thing goes_

There truly is no love without a reach around.

_But oh god, I feel like lying on this bed is going to archive bliss_

Zim was lying languorously in a bed, covered in red satin sheets. The radiation from Earth's gravity had made him grow tall, almost as tall as Dib. He also had grown sleek purple hair, that hung over his beautiful eyes.

Dib came in, looking all manly, in stark contrast to ZIM's twinkishness. ZIM looked up, tears running from his big red eyes. There were rumors that ZIM was a love child of Tallest Red.

Dab walked to ZIM, and put a hand on his shoulder. ZIM couldn't function without Dib, but he couldn't love him...

_And I want you find this vibrator that had been lodged where the sun don't shine, and take it away from me!_

Dib hugged ZIM, but ZIM still wasn't sure if he could love. He wanted to to love Dib, more than anything. Dib made him so happy.

_Lost in my own little world, as love flows through my veins._

Dib stroked ZIM'S hair, and looked deep into his ruby eyes. ZIM turned away, and cried even more.

_I look into a well, and my heart is down there._

ZIM looked inside of himself. Deep, deep, DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP down into himself. What he saw was Dib reflected in a pool of his own heart/squiddlyspooch goo.

_I cant go under, I loath that bacon._

ZIM felt Dib put his hand on his shoulder. We'll go through this together, Dib said.

That was when ZIM realized he couldn't escape through suicide. I just came up wit that? Aren't I AWEOM!? I bet I'M the only person who ever came up with a fic where ZIM wanted to commit suicide, but Dib stops him. Heck, I should call this fic 'away from me!" I'm so amazing!

Also, ZIM's skin was blistered from where he had tried to wash, but it turned out Gir had put bacon in the soap.

_I want you to define 'myopia', in the stupid dictionary, that some guy created. I'm in longitude, and latitude._

ZIM embraced him. Dib embraced ZIM. They embraced each other. Did I mention they embraced each other.

ZIM didn't care what the pack was for. He would love Dib, that's all that mattered. It was the other Irkens that had created this... NO! ZIM suddenly realized that it WASN'T the Irkens who had created the packs, and put them on everyone! It was the VORTIANS! ZIM'S eyes were clear now, but still full of tears. He knew the truth.

_Take me away from my toupee!_

ZIM had gotten rid of his old, stupid looking wig years ago. He didn't need it anymore since he had a magnifacent head of hair.

_Crawling in that scary world, something more. I'm wary of this strife._

But Dib caught him, and would never let him go!

_I want to now, drive away, all lost with you, OH I love you now, and I cant deny the great weeny stand of life that I'm lost in, and I need to pee, away in the out house of despair! I LOVE YOU! (_The song got to fast at the end ~sucks thumb~)

They embraced again, and told each other how much they loved each other. Than they had sex.


	3. Magnificent Sexy Kawaii Princess

I'm publishing this chapter a little early, since both of these are kind of short, they sort of make up one normal sized chapter.

Okay, this chapter is a little lacking, even with the revisions. The thing is, I don't want to change it too much, because it parodies the point when some authors lose interest, or just get really lazy. Though I don't want to seem like I got lazy, though I guess I sort of did. I hope it gives someone a laugh, at the very least.

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I'm getting so bored of writing this fic, you guys, I had to force myself to write this chapter, so you'd better appreciate it. T.T I also added an oc, who I worked really, super hard on. So what are you guys waiting for? Get reading!

Yukimakishusiinuyashakagomesheshypooh was scouting the area in her super cool space ship. It was sort of like Dib or ZIM'S ship, only

SOOOOOOOOOOOO much cooler. It was all dark red and stuff, and black! Covered in spikes and studs like a peice of over priced garbage from Hot topic. Yukimakishusiinuyashakagomesheshypooh loved the color black, it was her favorite. Who is YukiMakishusiinuyashakagomesheshypooh, you might ask? She's really cool Irken warrior princess who helped ZIM, Dib, and the whole of the Irken empire in the battle before the story. She was even cooler than Dib. Both Dib and ZIM had a crush on her, but they knew she was to cool for them. Still, she had to scout the planet in case any vile, nasty, evil Vortians came.

Yukimakishusiinuyashakagomesheshypooh was a beautiful Irken woman, with a full figure, including huge boobies, and a big butt. Both of them jiggle when ever she walks, which is great cause it distracts her enemies before she kicks their heads off! She's also a special sort of Irken, with long hair, which is naturally black with red highlights, and two stripes which frame her face. Her eyes were a cyan, turquoise, navy blue, that bewitched all who saw them. She really was the most beautiful female in all the Omniverse.

Her clothes were like all the stuff I want from Hot Topic, but cooler. Yukimakishusiinuyashakagomesheshypooh wore red and black checkered leggings, which showed off the curve of her butt, and lady parts, a small black tube top which barely held in her bust, and blocky platform shoes. Not to mention her cool black trench coat, which Dib gave her, since it was too small for his bulging muscles.

"Come in Yukimakishusiinuyashakagomesheshypooh, come in!" The e-mail notice filled her whole computer screen. "It's Dib, I need you're help."

"Dib?" She said, touching the screen, "Is that you? Do you need my help?"

"Yes!" Dib cried, totally astonished. "How did YOU know it was Dib, and that D-D-D-DIB (muscle flexing) needed help?"

Yukimakishusiinuyashakagomesheshypooh spat off a bunch of AMAZING gibberish about how she had predicted, with the will of a warrior that someone was going to call. You know, all that gibberish about how great the Sue is with enough errors to make any scientist, or any one with a brain for that matter, throw up.

"Wow!" Dib gaped, "That was amazing!"

"Yeah." Yukimakishusiinuyashakagomesheshypooh said, "I was especially happy with the part about the setting of the sun in the South in stead of the North meaning that it was a guy who was calling and not a girl. Now," She than did a bunch of cool back flipping and stuff even though she was in a space ship, okay, it was a really BIG space ship, dressed up as an okra whale, "What do you need?"

"D-D-D-D-DIB needs you to take DIB to the Massive!" Dib stated, because you would NEEEEVER know that Dib had said that sentence.

Dib appeared inside the ship, and they both speed into OUTER SPACE! There was a cool space battle and stuff on the way. They killed a few Vortians, and other evil, giant cyborg aliens.

"WOW! MEGA ULTRA D-D-D-D-DIB thinks that was AMAZING!" Dib screamed with more flexing.

"We're nearly there." Yukimakishusiinuyashakagomesheshypooh said, "Wanna have CEXS!?"

"O-O-O-O-OKAY!"

And so they did. Zim was forgotten as they made hot, hot, kinky love with whips, chains and a cow blow up doll.

What is this! Will they save Purple? Will Red be okay? Did Dib leave ZIM with an able baby sitter? What's the deal with those Vortians? I don't know, but this last chapter took me so much time and effort, I'm going to cry.


	4. Violet Angel

Here's the most recent chapter, I hope there's a visible difference. Also, pretend there was a several year wait for this one, it helps the effect.

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AN: Soooo sorry for the long delay, lol. I lost interest in IZ for a while, but now it's back with a vengeance! I'm so glad that ppl still likey this ficcy, especially since I worked so hard on it. All the reviews are really nice and sweet, and give me a lady boner.

However! One was really rude! The spelling and grammar are bad!? Bite me, nobodies perfect! I was only seventeen when I wrote this! Also, I don't explain things enough? I don't use enough description? Fine, you want description? I'll show you description!

Purple was cold and alone in the dungeon on the Vortian ship. The once magnificent tallest huddled in the corner of the lonely room, water dripped from the ceiling, the dampness chilling him to the bone. The tallest looked towards the single dim bulb in the room, then looked back to the dirty floor, a single tear running from his beautiful violet eye. Purple was sad.

The Vortians had locked him up without any company, laughing at him as they locked him away. During the past hour, Purple's spirit had been broken. Would they feed him, or just let him starve? They hadn't told him what they were planning on doing with him. Were they going to hack into the Galactic TV network and execute him on a live broadcast? Maybe they would use him for ransom! Or... what if they knew Purple's secret! That he was really a half angel demigod for the ninth dimension!

The thought of them knowing his secret made him tremble. He had never told anyone that secret, not even Red. You know, since Red was so dumb he'd probably tell everyone, including ZIM. The only person Purple had told was ZIM, his best, most closest friend, and once lover. ZIM understood the gravity of the situation, and promised not to tell anyone. Then him and Purple made hot, passionate love to each other. Purple wept, wishing that ZIM was there with him.

There were footsteps, and the large metal door was opened, revealing a Vortian guard. Purple cried out in terror as the guard approached him. It slammed a tray down on the ground in front of the cowering Tallest, turned and left. Watching the vile creature leave, the Irken turned his attention to the tray. Purple flinched back at what he saw, pressing his back against the wet stone of the wall. He knew they were vile creatures, but Purple had over estimated them. That came with seeing the best in everyone, and being half angel. Still, even half angels and saints had their limits.

Purple looked back at the tray, forcing himself to look upon the disgusting insult. The tray was simple, made of a rubbery, plastic substance, so he couldn't break it and fashion it into a shank, even though he would never do such a thing. It was also a very drab color of grey, like the flesh of the over lord of the Resisty. That insult was bad enough, but it was only the prelude to the horror.

On the tray was a glass of water! Not soda, a milk shake, wine, or even juice! There was also a small loaf of fresh baked bread, sans dipping oil, or even butter! The final affront was the centerpiece of the meal; a lone steak, cooked to perfection, without any seasoning!

"Why would they do this?" Purple wept, "There's not even salt!"

He fell to his knees sobbing, but finally decided to eat the meal anyways, because he was bored. Taking the fork and knife, he cut in the steak, finding it to be medium rare, it looked like New York strip. Those cheap Vortians couldn't even leave him a T bone.

Taking a small piece, he put it in his mouth and chewed. Even without the seasoning, it still had lovely flavor, and the texture was sublime. It made it worse. How perfect would it have been with some salt and a little garlic? Purple continued to eat the steak, alternating between it and the bread, until there was nothing but a strip of fat and some bread crust on his plate. He took the napkin left for him, and dabbed at his mouth daintily.

Now that he had eaten, there was nothing to do, but wait. He looked off into the distance plaintively, willing for a wistful image of ZIM to be superimposed onto the scene in front of him. His ZIM would save him, he knew he would.

AN: Oh god, poor Purple ;_; He's my favorite! The poor dear!

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Wanna know what's really sad? I'm still not done with chapter five. Man I'm lame. It'll be done and beta's in a new days though, but I probably should have had the other chapters beta'ed. I'm all for stylistic suck, but when it just sounds like a bad copy of My Immortal, than it loses it's fun.


	5. Bloody Heart Break

Sorry this chapter took so long to get there. I asked my friend to beta it, but she had a busy schedule. I don't regret it though since she did a really good job. This chapter is also much longer than the last three, so it should keep you busy for ten minutes. This time I make fun of ZAGR, because ZADR can't have all the fun.

**WARNING! ****This chapter contains rape/sexual assault! Don't read if that upsets you!**

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ZIM was inside Dib's house, in his special room where Dib put him whenever he had to save the world or go out for some milk. It was a nice room, ZIM had to admit, it was cozy, with soft walls. Dib also gave ZIM a special jacket that gave him all the hugs he wanted, and ZIM called it his cuddle wings.

Even though there was no clock in the cuddle room, ZIM was finding that he was getting hungry. He had since learned to eat and love Earth food, but he still couldn't touch meat without burning up, and he could only drink purified mineral water. ZIM just told everyone he was vegetarian, and that took care of everything.

Suddenly, the bolt clicked, and the door was swung open. Dib's scary, and rather cute, sister stood in the rectangle of light formed by the doorway, making her look like an angel, or an alien in a horror film.

"I got you your gross vegan pizza," Gaz said, dropping the pizza box to the ground.

The lid popped open, and ZIM lunged at it, stuffing his face into the cheese and vegetables. He slurped up great mouthfuls, making hideous noises as he did so that sounded like some sort of eldrich horror drinking a smoothy made of souls of the damned. Gaz finished her slice of pizza quietly, watching as the Irken ate. He had such a long tongue, and she could think of a few uses for it.

Now that she was in collage, Gaz was taking a sex ed class. This had piqued her interest in the erotic arts. She had heard that the tongue could do amazing things, but she had no idea what they were.

"Hey freak." Gaz said, taking one of the slices of pizza. "You should learn to use a plate."

Gaz then sensually placed the pizza on her exposed skin. ZIM didn't know what was going on, but he was still hungry. With his long tongue, he began to lap up the cheesy triangle, taking it into his mouth. Mean while, Gaz wasn't really enjoying herself. She had cheese and sauce all over her face, and it was smearing her makeup. This had been a stupid idea.

"Okay, okay, we're done here." Gaz said, getting up, and letting the pizza remains fall off of her.

ZIM watched as she left, slamming the door behind her. The noises made ZIM shut his eyes, but when they opened he saw the door creaking open. Dib wasn't back, and ZIM felt so very alone. He crawled out, moving like an inch worm in his totally dope ass straight jacket.

Gaz meanwhile, was out taking a walk. She was out to go to the national Game Slave tournament, which she was the reining champion of for the last three years. She was dressed up, wearing a tiny black dress with an indigo corset and bright purple fishnets. Her makeup was fixed, and her long violet hair was in a ponytail.

She was late. If only she hadn't gotten pizza all over her face and her other dress, then she could have taken a leisurely walk through the park but now she had to slink through the back allies.

A cold breeze rolled over Gaz like a black omen. This ally was long and dark with refuse and broken dreams littering the damp concrete. She wished Dib was there to escort her to her destination. She loved Dib so much, for he was the best brother in the world. However, he was out protecting the universe. Gaz looked up into space, wondering where he brother way now. Little did she know he was receiving an amazing Irken blow job while he was steering a space ship while avoiding gunfire from a Vortian battle cruisers.

Gaz began her journey through the ally. She knew the hotel where they held the contest was near by, and all she had to do was get through this tunnel of fear. The pale girl trembled again, and suddenly a clammy fat hand was around her upper arm.

"Gotcha." Iggins hissed, into her ear.

"Let me go!" Gaz gasped.

"Bitch, if you scream, I will cut out that pretty little tongue." Iggins said, his free hand moving to her thigh.

Gaz cried out, but his fingers dug into her skin, cutting off the scream, and turning it into a whimper. She couldn't run, and she couldn't fight him. It wouldn't be funny, since sexual assault is serious. For a moment she wondered if this was sexism. She was wearing a little black dress, and was one of the few females in the series. However, she realized that ZIM or Purple had a bigger chance of this happening to them. That fact calmed her down a little.

"Iggins, are you doing this because you want to win the tournament?" Gaz asked, looking up at him with deer-like brown eyes.

"No Gaz, what I want, is you." He said, pressing his wiener against her buns.

Gaz gasped. He was so hideous, that couldn't be right. Since she had met him, he had grown fatter, greasier. His hair line has receded, and a beard covered his lower lip and upper neck. She looked away from him, to the fourth wall, and she sighed with relief.

"What was that about?" Iggins hissed.

"Let her go!" Came a voice from behind them.

Iggins spun around, holding Gaz in front of him like a sexy meat shield. "Stay back, or the bitch, slut, whore gets it!"

Standing in the opening of the ally was ZIM, standing tall and proud. His sexy hair fluttered in the breeze like a gathering of happy little bumble bees, and his pants clung to his pelvis like latex in a fetish fic.

"I knew it!" Gaz cried. "Female writers usually don't get off to ugly men raping women! I'm safe!"

"Let her go, you sexist pig-man-child, or you'll be the one with foreign objects in your orifices." ZIM hissed, his pink eyes narrowed.

Iggins' bulging eyes pulsed with rage. He suddenly pulled a gun out of his pants, and took aim at ZIM. He fired, but the bullet bounced off of ZIM's hunter green skin and lodged itself into the sidewalk. ZIM was bullet proof!

ZIM casually walked up to Iggins, and both Gaz and her attacker found themselves gazing at ZIM's groin. It looked like someone trying to smuggle gourds in a latex glove. \ Tearing his gaze away, Iggins lifted his gun and placed it against Gaz's temple.

"I'll shoot the dumb whore's brains out!" Iggins threatened.

ZIM's beautiful scarlet orbs narrowed, "Go ahead."

Gaz went stiff, her life flashing before her eyes. Had ZIM just forsaken her? Also, why had he become so competent when she had just seen him less than an hour ago?

Iggins sneered and pressed down on the trigger. Nothing happened. Pulling the gun away, the foul sexist looked at the weapon. It appeared to be loaded, but it just wasn't shooting.

"Someone as loathsome as you is utterly powerless in the face of true beauty." ZIM muttered.

His cryptic comment would have made Gaz punch him if she wasn't still in danger. Though now Iggins seemed to have his sights set on ZIM. That comment had been really stupid.

"Fine! I'll just beat that pretty face in!" Iggins cried, raising his gun to pistol whip ZIM.

ZIM took the blow without flinching. In fact, it looked like it hardly hurt him. Frowning, the Irken lashed out a punch at Iggins, which broke his nose and caused him to black out. Somehow, he lost hold of Gaz, but it was too much for her. She fainted, and the last thing she saw was ZIM reaching for her.

A/N: Oh my god! Is Zimmy going to cheat on Dibbers? Is Gaz going to be okay? Sorry ZADR fans, I just wanted to stretch my legs and try something new, but don't worry, soon there'll be moar yummy slashy slashy! ^.^

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This is so unprofessional of me, but don't know what to do for the next chapter. Don't worry, it will be written, and I probably just need some time to think about it. If you could review and tell me your favorite, or least favorite, fan fiction cliches or tropes that'd be a big help. I'd also love to hear from you all.


	6. Giganto Mega Supreme

Sorry for the long pause between these chapters but I do have some good news. I wrote not only one, but two chapters, and my friend beta'd them both. So I'll be posting chapter seven shortly after this one. Hopefully chapter eight will come sooner than these last two, but I do have a good idea what to write about.

Honestly, I've written two Invader ZIM parody fics, but they both barely involved GIR. Like in the other one, GIR became human and he fell in love with ZIM's older brother. Maybe someday I'll fix up that fic and post it here. Or maybe I wont, since it's basically the beta version of this one.

Anyways, enjoy this chapter.

**Warning! This chapter contains elements of sexual assault! Do not read if such things make you uncomfortable!**

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AN/ Oh noes! Someone pointed out that I don't use GIR enough, and they were right! I didn't even mention the poor thing in this fic, I'm such a bad fan

But see! That's how you do constructive criticism! Not by being mean, but telling me things I should add. So give me more silly reviews! XD

It was so lonely at the old green house, now that Master was spending his time with Dib. The tiny robot lay on the floor, so still one almost thought he was dead. There was so much space around him, so much emptiness suffocating his metal body, reminding him how nobody was there. This wasn't something that piggies or tacos could cure. He wanted to see his master, despite how cruel he could be, but he also wanted something else very important, love.

All his life, he had tried his best to be fun and make everyone smile. His innocent brain thought that if people were happy then they would love him, but he had never received so much as a thank you from ZIM. Still, even though his master didn't care for him in the slightest, he was still loyal, and loved him. Gir would never tell anyone, but master could be so mean. Master would always ignore what Gir wanted and only think about himself. Like the time ZIM took all his piggies, or all the times he yelled at his loyal servant, or after the show ended, ZIM started drinking and throwing the empty bottles at Gir! Deep down, subconsciously, Gir wanted to be free of ZIM, but it wasn't something he could admit to himself.

"Oh please." Gir said, his sadness was so great he was out of character. "Will someone help me?"

There was a blinding light. And a fairy-angel, in a long, billowing white dress, with long purple hair, appeared before the fallen robot. She was beautiful, and glowed with an effervescent light that rivaled the glow of any florescent bulb.

"My dear, I can grant your wish to find love and freedom, but there is a catch."

Gir sat up the moment he saw this woman approach , but now he felt so heavy. What were her demands? Could he carry them out, or would he be cursed to this solitary prison forever?

"What must I do?" Gir asked in the voice of a small, beautiful child.

"You see, I was not always a fairy god angel." The woman explained. "For a short while, I was a normal mother who had two beautiful babies. Tragedy struck when I fell into a coma of the heart! But then another fairy god angel came, and gave me the option to live again, granting wishes and protecting others."

"What are your conditions?" Gir asked, not getting bored or distracted at all.

"You must fall in love with one of my children." The woman said, in the voice of a million angel bells.

"But! But how will I know who your child is?" Gir pleaded.

"You will know. So go forth, my dear. Live, laugh, love! The world is yours now. I shall turn you into a form which can best love them." The fairy god angel beamed.

With the flick of her wand, Gir was enveloped in a bright light. The light finally faded, and the fairy god angel wept from the beauty of what she saw. Gir was now something far beyond even that of the angels.

"Thank you!" Gir cried, over joyed with his new body, even though he had liked the old one. "I will do my best to keep my promise, and give your children the love they deserve."

The fairy god angel smiled, and disappeared like mist in the sun rise. She knew, without a doubt, Gir would go through with it. She would still watch over him and keep him safe, just as fairy god angels were suppose to.

Gir frolicked through the house, leaping like a young doe in the summer, so filled with joy and love. He was so happy, he didn't look where he was going and leaped onto a teleport panel. Master recently installed it, and told GIR not to go near it. Afterwards ZIM hit him with a rolled up news paper, tied him up outside, and went to visit Dib.

Aboard the massive, Red was crying. His dear, beloved Purple was gone, and there was no one to kiss and hold him. Worse, there was no one for him to fuck into submission. You see, despite Red's intelligence, he was a demon in the sack. Sometimes Purple had a hard time keeping him satisfied, so he was willing to look the other way when Red needed something extra. That way, Purple could catch up on his reading while Red got what he desired.

Now, his bed room was so lonely, and he couldn't fuck any of the guards because it made his squeedlyspooch hurt. If Purple had been there, he would have said it was guilt and worry. Red just knew it was because none of them were as pretty or smelled as nice as Purple.

There was a burst of light from Purple's secret teleporter. Red thought about taking a peek, but he remembered Purple's warning. His lover made him promise never to even look at the teleporter, or he would get no snacks for a week.

"Hello? My Almighty Tallest?" Came a voice that sounded like the joyous sigh of an angel after the orgasm of their existence.

Red sat up to get a better look at his visitor. That voice, it almost sounded like a younger version of Purple. Red nearly drooled at the thought; he wished he could go back in time, and pound that hot, under aged ass. What he did see was almost as good.

"Mmm, who is this?" Red purred, looking over the visitor.

"Oh, hello, My Tallest. I am ZIM's sir unit, Gir. Have you seen any angel babies around?" Gir asked.

Red had urges, powerful, animistic urges. The sorts of urges that had been nearly bred out of Irkens. This could be no Sir unite; he looked too delicious. Red licked his lips as he looked over his vulnerable, exposed body.

"I not see anyone." He grunted. "But you stay here."

"But, I must continue my quest!" Gir chirped.

"No! I eat you!" Red roared, and grabbed Gir. Red's claw like fingers dug into the tender lettuces and cheese on top of Gir's crust. Yes, Gir was now a taco pizza, and if there was one thing Red liked more than fucking, it was snacks.

"Unhand me, brute!" The young pizza cried.

"No! Eat! Red eat! Red so sad, need eat!" The stupid tallest screamed.

With a tug, Gir escaped, and ran out of the room, the door swooshing shut behind him. He cried, globs of salsa dripping behind him and he flew down the hallway.

Why had this happened? Why had the fairy god angel done this? Why hadn't she stopped him from going through the teleporter, and into the arms of a gluttonous lunatic?

Gir stopped, a large window blocking his progress. Even as a baked good, he was tired, so he took a moment to rest, looking at his reflection in the glass. He truly was Hispanic American cuisine now. There was the crust, which made up most of his body, followed by refried beans, cheese, onions, tomatoes, and was that avocado? Maybe he shouldn't be too angry at Red, he did look delicious. Gir had floated around so much, he'd worked up an appetite, and a taco pizza sounded like it would really hit the spot.

An Irken janitorial drone walked down the corridor, pulling along their cart. It had been a hard day for the little guy, dealing with one of the beloved leaders being abducted, and one of the toilets had gotten backed up.

"I fucking hate taco night." The janitor said.

He looked up, and went stiff as a statue. In front of him was a floating taco pizza. However, it was slowly getting smaller, like it was imploding in on itself. The drone's cart escaped from his hands, and continued to roll down the hallway, towards the pizza. There was a small pop as the pizza disappeared, the cart rolling past where it had been.

The drone shut his eyes, rubbing them with his wrists, something he had started doing after starting janitorial duty. "I need some fucking sleep."

There was a burst of light next to the drone, and the fairy good angel appeared. Her beautiful brown eyes were wide, and she searched the sterile hallways for any sign of her ward.

"Gir?" She cried, catching sight of a trail of salsa.

She turned to the drone, who hadn't made a move since she appeared. First the toilets, then floating pizzas, now this?

"Have you seen a large, floating taco pizza?" She asked, pleading with her tear filled eyes.

"Yeah, but it kinda imploded." The Drone answered.

"Oh phoo." The fairy god angel cursed, placing her hands over her breast. The man up there wouldn't be happy to know a charge had committed auto-cannibalism.

"Hey, I have some time off. Wanna see a movie?" The janitor drone asked.

"Eh, why not." The fairy god angel said, shrugging her beautiful shoulders. It wasn't like she had taco pizzas to deal with, and her kids could find their own spouses.


	7. Sayonara, Sweet Warrior Princess

Hello audience, welcome back to another episode of Requiem of Doomed Dreams. When I first wrote this, over five years ago, I thought the Mary Sue's name was the funniest thing ever, but now I regret making it so long. Oh well, nothing a cute nickname can't fix.

I've also got chapter eight almost finished so we wont have to wait two weeks for the next one. I'll finish it tonight, and hand it off to my beta reader tomorrow.

I find it weird how people used to hate all the other nicktoons around 2005. It was like everyone blamed the other shows, like Spongebob, Rugrats ect for Invader ZIM's cancellation. I can't blame anyone for hating new Spongebob though. We should all be thankful ZIM had a premature death, instead of a long drawn out, zombie like existence.

Warnings: This chapter has some character death, and thats it.

* * *

Dib and Kuro, which was Yukimakishusiinuyashakagomesheshypooh's nickname, were blasting through space, faster than the speed of sound. Ahead of them, looming like a friendly giant, was the Massive, but they still had several Vortian battle ships on their tail. The Oni, the name of Kuro's ship, had sustained heavy damage, and the super cool black and flame paint job had been ruined!

"Kuro-chan!" Dib cried. "D-D-Dib is not sure if we will make it! Not even your goddess like blow job was enough!"

"What will we do now?" Kuro sobbed.

"We will have to try our best! We do not give up!" Dib hollered, pushing the ship into maximum overdrive! (( AN: Oh ew, did I just make a Spongebob joke? Spongebob is so lame, and it's all they play anymore instead of ZIM. Oh wait, it's not longer 2005? Liking Spongebob is cool again. Well then; Squeeeee! Spongebob reference! Hell yes! ))

The ship blasted forward, but an enemy cruiser came out of no where. It stopped in the air before them and fired up its laser cannons. Dib and Kuro gasped as they looked upon their impending doom! This second seemed to take an eternity, and in that time Kuro realizes what she must do.

The foul Vortian slammed his fist down on the firebutton, the blinding red laser slated right for Dib's big, manly head! Dib was silent as it sped toward him, but in the space between seconds, Kuro was in front of him. The laser hit her massive chest and was reflected by her shinny skin. It bounced off, destroying the Vortian vessel, which blew up magnificently in the vacuum of space.

The Oni barreled through the shrapnel, but Dib did not feel like celebrating. In his arms, was the beautiful Kuro, her breathing was hard and erratic, and the pallor of her skin was overwhelming. He held her in both his strong arms, cradling her, because her beautiful life was just that important. Dib wasn't stupid though and was piloting the ship with his foot.

"Breath, Kuro! B-b-b-breath!" Dib blubbered, manly tears rolled down his face and perfect jawline.

"It... Is... Better... This way..." Kuro gasped.

Her dainty hand trembled as she lifted it to Dib's face, caressing him. The thin material of her black lace gloves adsorbed his tears, making her hand burn, but the pain was nothing. The color was draining from her massive cerulean orbs with each pained breath.

"Dib..." Kuro whispered. Her melodious voice was becoming so faint.

"Y-y-y... Y...yes, Kuro-chan?" Dib stuttered.

"I... Love you." She spoke.

"A... and I l... love you." Dib replied.

"D... do not mourn for me. Many others will need your love." Kuro declared.

"But will they be as beautiful as you?" Dib annunciated.

Briefly he looked up. He was such an amazing pilot he was able to weave past the Vortian ships while avoiding their fire with just his foot, but it didn't matter now. The most beautiful girl in the world was dying in his arms. The Massive was filling out the distance. So close, yet so far.

"No, you idiot, I'm the most beautiful, so you'll just have to deal with a universe without me." Kuro paused, and added, "My love."

"Oh Kuro. I will never forget you, or forgive you for your hold on Dib's heart!" Dib enforced.

"Yes... I've your life Dib. Live it well." Kuro coughed gracefully.

Dib looked up again as she had her small coughing fit. Yup, they still had a ways to the Massive, and the Vortians were still after them. There was also a hole in the cockpit window, but the vacuum of space didn't bother them.

"Were you listening?" Kuro snapped.

"Oh, yeah. You want me to live my life, that's very good advice." Dib answered.

"Good. But now I must say good by, my sweet Dib." Kuro whimpered, her eyes fluttering shut.

"Nooooo!" Dib stormed. "No! Just wait until we reach the Massive!"

"Gomen... Asai..." Kuro uttered, before going silent, forever.

Dib screamed again, more tears spilling down his face. He began to cry like a baby, a big manly sexy baby that is. Who could blame him, dear sweet Kuro had just died in his arms.

Shutting his eyes, Dib placed her on the floor, crossing her arms over her exposed belly. He would give her the burial she deserved. The Massive was getting closer, and the Vortians were closing in, now that he wasn't flying the ship. He carried out this mission solemnly, activating the self destruct. He was going to give Kuro a Viking funeral, and take down those Vortians. Even in death, she was one hell of a warrior.

Dib slammed his fist down on the self-destruct button, which lit up. A mechanical voice came on over the radio, informing him that the ship would explode in ten seconds. Moving like a blue blur, only black, Dib took the ships wheel, and spun it around in a 180, and put a convenient brick over the pedal. Moving faster than the ship, Dib broke out through the back, launching himself straight at the Massive.

He landed gracefully just as the ship blew up behind him. His jacket and hair whipped around him in the non-wind of space. A single tear fell from Dib's eye, and the stars themselves seemed to weep for the loss of Kuro. Turning, he looked out to where she had been. Nothing remained but a few scraps from her ship.

"Goodnight, sweet warrior princess." Dib voiced.

He climbed further up the ship, and let himself in through an airlock. His dead lover was right, he should look towards the future, and not spend all his time in mourning.

"My Tallest! D-D-D-DIB is here! Reporting for duty." Dib said, bowing.

The airlock had conveniently been the one leading into Red's bedroom. He knew this because during the big war that happened before the story, he had been on the side of the Massive, and saw Red and Purple doing the naughty. It was really funny, and Dib go flustered and super turned on.

Doubly convenient, Red had just gotten back from chasing that taco pizza. He was tired, and even more sad than before. How could he go and chase after snacks when Purple was gone?

"Dib! You here! You save Purple!" Red cheered.

"Yes! Take me to the control room!" Dib hissed. "I've got a plan!"

AN/ Ohhh, what's Dibby's plan? How is he going to save Purple from the mean, evil Vortians? What is ZIM doing with Gaz? Is Gir okay? These questions, and so many more will be answered in the next chapter XD


	8. The Jerk Circle

I managed to get this chapter up in exactly a week since the last one. If only I could keep it up. I think this fic won't go on for too much longer, but I'm really bad at transitioning from the middle to the ending.

As for this chapter. I think it's dumb to write hate fics, and since this story contains a lot of shots at people who blindly worship Dib, I thought this was fitting. I can understand not liking a character, but writing spite fics just seems silly. Though I think what annoys me most is that half the people who do like Gaz are creeps who draw weird porn of her. I think those people are worse than the ones who write spite fics.

* * *

Gaz stirred, finally waking up. Was she still in the ally? Where was ZIM and Iggins? It took her a moment to finally come to terms with her surroundings, but she still didn't know what it meant.

"ZIM?" She said.

Gaz tried to sit up, but she was now wearing a straight jacket. ZIM's straight jacket. It was about her size, a little snug in the chest but not painfully so. The addition of the straight jacket seemed to be the only alteration to her wardrobe, thankfully enough. ZIM would be a dead man (bug man?) if he had tried anything while she was passed out.

"Hello Gaz." ZIM said, stepping into the dimly lit room.

From her place on the ground, ZIM loomed over her, and she could see every inch of height he had gained from his time on earth. His strong, yet slender shoulders, blocked out the light of the dirty over head bulb.

Gaz was on the blankets which constituted as ZIM's bed while Dib was gone, and she wondered how long it had been since they had been cleaned. She should have cleaned them, instead of spending all her time playing video games and being mean to Dib. It wasn't fair that she did what ever she pleased while Dib did his best to help everyone.

"What's going on?" Gaz asked. "What happened after the thing in the alleyway?"

"You fainted like the worthless bitch you are." ZIM hissed.

The sudden change surprised Gaz, even though he had gone from 'constant supervision' to 'bad boy anti hero' only two chapters ago. Gaz too felt a shift in her characterization. Her amber eyes narrowed, glaring up at ZIM.

"D... Don't be a dick. I was just scared." Gaz said.

"I cant believe Dib put up with you for so long." ZIM continued. "Maybe it was because he loves you, even though you and that wretched father of yours hardly deserve it."

"I know you don't want to hear this, having a boner for him the size of Jupiter, but Dib's kinda of a jerk." Gaz said quietly.

"No! You're the jerk! You are so mean to Dib, and all he ever did was love you! You hurt him and taunted him, after all he did to save the human race!"

"But you hate the human race."

"Lies! Dib is a true hero! Someone who cares about the wants of others above his own needs. He's so kind and strong, despite how petty and mean everyone else is. He would never torment anyone for being different, even if there was something he could gain from it." ZIM said, stabbing the air with his finger.

He remembered what a gentle soul Dib was. When they had first met, Dib had been the most welcoming to him, even though he knew he was an alien. And even if he wasn't, they were both persecuted by the other students, so that totally makes them kindred spirits and soul mates and makes Dib the best character in the whole show.

ZIM had once wanted to destroy the human race because of how mean everyone was, but Dib had been there. Dib had talked ZIM down and told him of the beauty of the universe. They held each other afterwards, both unwilling to admit their love for the other, for fear of destroying their friendship.

Gaz was not like Dib. She wasn't kind, intelligent, strong or capable. She was just a stupid bitch who always got lucky and could do spooky shit that gave me nightmares when I was eight, but I still watched the show because I wanted Dib to be my boyfriend.

"Now you pay for your transgressions against my Dib!" ZIM finished, his eyes narrowed.

"Y... you aren't going to do anything drastic, are you?" Gaz asked, her cool and strong facade breaking down, now that she was going up against someone stronger than her.

"Drastic times call for drastic measures. I'm going to make you pay for hurting my Dib." ZIM said.

Smirking with self righteous glee, ZIM pulled out her Game Slave Advanced (the fourth generation of Game Slave, though the GS2 was definitely the best, at least in Gaz's opinion). Gaz's eyes went wide, horror making her skin more pale than makeup could ever hope to.

"You wouldn't!" Gaz gasped.

"I would!"

"No! Don't! Please!"

"This is for Dib!" ZIM screamed as he broke her Game Slave advanced over his knee. At least, he attempted to. Its sturdy shell bounced off his slender leg and smacked him in the face.

It was Gaz's turn to smirk. "They had a commercial where a guy hit one of those with a sledge hammer, threw it from a thirty story building, then detonated a small scale explosive right next to it, do you think your sissy emo knee could leave a dent?"

"Ugh, you stupid, smug cow!" ZIM hissed, holding a hand to the lump on the lump where his noes should be. You know how artists will try to draw ZIM tall and realistic, so they draw a weird lump where the nose would be, and it makes him look sort of like a ninja turtle. Yeah, that.

"Fine. I have another plan." Zim muttered.

He left the room, which Gaz took as a victory for her. It probably wouldn't be too hard to get out of this jacket. Her thoughts were interrupted by the realization that the room was shaking. Was this an earthquake?

There was another jolt, and a sense of weightlessness, almost like she was on an elevator. Gaz realized what was happening, this room was a space ship!

ZIM watched from the house, looking out the hole that had once been his padded room. It had been a pain to convert a whole room into a space craft, but now it was worth it. Dib had been fine with it, because he loved space and shit, and even helped ZIM with the harder parts.

"This revenge is sweet, Gaz-bitch." ZIM sneered, admiring his contrived vengeance.

When the room ship was out of sight, he turned to walk away, maybe for a victory milkshake. ZIM stepped on a pizza box, and felt his foot slide until his whole body was moving backward. The Irken landed painfully on his backside, and all he could do for the next few seconds was lay there.

"D... Dib!" ZIM cried, tears escaping his eyes, "I... I fell on my bottom!"

ZIM continued to sob atop the greasy cardboard, until he finally got bored. By then his clothes smelled like Bloaty's ball bit, and he needed a bath and someone to help him change. Why had he gotten rid of the only other functioning person in this house? ZIM curled into a fetal position against the wall, and began to cry again.


End file.
